I admit... I still love him... And it still hurts to think that there is no "us" anymore. I built a world with him, wished for things to get a long well with us but there is no such world anymore.
He was one of the people who brought back hope in my life. He was one of my greatest gifts. He made me feel special.
He may have also caused some pain to me. His practicality is way far from my illusions. I thought that he would choose to marry me than lose me... But he chose to lose me...
Up to now I still could not completely comprehend. I thought he has been the answer to my prayers. Up to now I still cannot see myself wih another. It's either him or be alone... I neve wished to be a martyr.
What is it that he is looking for? Why can't I be the man of his dreams? Why can't I be his wife? Why can't he be my husband?
I need to understand. I need to move forward and build my new world without him, without a partner... Men... They will do everything to make you believe that they care, that they love... But no, don't you dare. Once you give in to the feelings, they will reign, they will just break your heart.
I wanna move forward soon. I want to forget how I feel for him.
Mixed emotions... I hate him and love him, I'm sad, bitter, and angry but still hoping. I want to set this straight in my life...
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