1st day of the "Love Month"

Somehow, I got surprised that it's already the 1st of February... The love month! Haha! Then I suddenly remembered that I am currently loveless or that I do not have a partner to share his month with, especially Valentine's Day... Yiheee...

But then, I realized the kind of love being promoted in this month. Is it what love really is all about?

The love that I see all around in this season is the longingness to be needed. I see that the basis for loving is serving another yet being gratified that the other needs us at the same time. It seems mutual or symbiotic but looking deeper, this is not the case.

I used to think that I love someone when I always want to be with him... When I am very willing to give everything I have and do everything I can for the person... When I think that only death can do us part... But then it is also in felling these things that I get hurt or that I hurt another.

This made me think that there is something wrong about this concept of love. As you take away its layers of affection, you will see the root of it which is mere selfishness. Yes, this longingness to be loved or needed is rooted in thinking about ourselves... Our own.

I know it is natural for us to have his feeling, we are humans. We have been created with emotions. But then, if we just want to have another so that we can satisfy ourselves as it fills our need to be loved then can this be called "love?"

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Making the Best of It COG Makati

By Pastor Dennis Heppner

2 Peter 1:3-8,9

Why don't we live better than we do?
Why do we struggle the waythe bible speaks about our lives?

No one lives better than what they dream of.
I do not want to be like anybody else... I want to be like Jesus...

To make the best of it is to live up to God's potential in our lives. You can live out of the ordinary.

2 Peter 1:8

1. Hang on to what God has provided.

You can't live a Christian life without being a Christian.
Knowledge of God is experiential.

John 17:3
Know God, be related, be in contact with.
It won't do muh good if what you hear about God does not come to your life.
Great books cannot make one a Christian, it is by experience tha one becomes a Christian.
Information by itself will not make you a better Christian.
It is a living and growing relationship with Jesus that changes lives.
The Christian begins not wih religion but with Christ. Knowing Christ better makes you better.
The breath of the Christian is Christ.

If Jesus is real, you don't need to ask yourself about it.

2. Live by the rule of faith.

We can have his wonderful encounter wih God and live the experience or Jesus touches our life hen we go back to where we were.

Jesus does not want to be added to your life or a part of your life. He wants to be your life.
You cannot practice what Jesus taught by discipline alone but with Jesus all things are possible.
Jesus does not want you to live the way you live, He wants you to live for Him.

Verse 5 - supernatural power that works in the life if a Christian.

Making the best of your life is letting Jesus work in you.
When God makes a promise, He can keep it.

The Christian life begins within. It's a work of God in your life. But, this cannot happen without your will. If you want the best of it, you need to work with God in it.

If I believe in God He will help me in my current curcumstance for His glory.

"Make every effort"

It's not enough to just pray for your siuation. You need to be a part of it.
You have divine power in you. You have faith in the Lord. You can do what you need to do.

You can't change your heart. When God changes a heart, He does it wonderfully.

It is a mistake to tell somebody to quit and change wihout Jesus working in his or her heart.

3. Make the right additions.

The first thing that happens to you when Jesus comes in your life is a change of character.

"add"
Goodness or good character
Knowledge or spiritual understanding
Self control or discipline

In every field of life, when you do your best you get the best results.

You lead the dance and the Holy Spirit dances with you. So when you make the efforts, the Holy Spirit will work togeher with you.

Whenever you take the step in the right direction the Lord is gonna take steps with you.

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Home from the Concert

Home sweet home... 'twas a nice concert, nice concept... I enjoyed the night!

So good to remember the goodness of the Lord... To know that the people leading in worship also went through some painful circumstances... So great to realize that God is such a great God! He can rescue us whatever circumstance we are in.

In awe and mesmerized by His joy... Goodnight :-).


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An Ex Revisited

Haha, yeah. One of my ex bfs visited me last night. I admit, I am so glad to see him again. We had a nice conversation. It is not ordinary coz he sort of showed a gentle part of him, controlled and decent... Haha, not so used to it.

He was the "boy" that I used to love. Quite young when we had a relationship and too bad it didn't last. I remember I really liked him a lot. I hoped to spend the rest of my life with him, hehe. But it didn't happen. So as I have learned yesterday, i am leaing he past behind :-).

Up to now I have a smile on my face because of the cisitation. Perhaps it's also because it has been a long time since somebody visited me here... and well, it's just so nice to see him again...

I suddenly remember all about him, hahaha! This is how the subconscious works... But then, I wouldn't dwell on it anymore. Glad to be friends with him :-). I wouldn't let the Lord's works in my life to be wasted, and I admit my weakness. I would love to have a partner in life but somehow I already have ideas of what I want or what I need. I just need to fix my focus and keep it... Hehe


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23 January 2011 COG Makati

Pastor Albert from Lighthouse

Every New Year is an Opportunity
- evaluate the Past.
- take Stock of our Present.
- plan for the Future.

OLD ADVICE FOR THE NEW YEAR
Phil 3:12-16

What do you do with your
1. PAST.
V13 Forget what is behind. Leave it!

Hatred will kill you before it kills the person you are angry with.
Bitterness will steal away the life of God from you.

Isaiah 43:18-19

Don't get stuck with your past success. God always has something new! Be ready with surprises :-). God has new things for you. It's just gonna get better and better!

2. FUTURE
(v 12, 14) Pursue it!
There is something that only you must do in God's kingdom.
Eph 2:10
Do not covet your neighbor's ministry. God has something for you to do.
Hebrews 11:42
God has prepared something better for us.

3. PRESENT
(v16) Enjoy it!
Don't waste it.
Thank God for what you have right now. Enjoy what you currently have.
A thankful heart is a happy heart.
Learn to appreciate what you have.
Show love and appreciation to people around you.

Ecc 9:7-10
Enjoy the prime of your life! We will all die...
Seize life!
Each day is God's gift.
Life is too short to waste on worry, anxiety, fear



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Good Morning...

Been two days wihout blogging. I sort of missed it but I have been so busy... I am generally ok.

I have just started with my daily bible readin plan, targeting to finish it entirely in 3 months then read it again in another version. Currently using NASB.

I am also reading Gordon Macdonald's Overcoming Your Private World. Really nice book! Helping me in building m foundation. Great help...

Now I am working, doing my usual tasks. However, I also feel a bit sick. Temperature low, I'm not used to it. My son wants the electric fan on all the time and we sleep beside each other. My, quite bad for me. My body system is not used to it. Need to boost my body resistance. Will also take meds a bit later.

I feel threatened... A simple change if shedule is streasin me out... I just realized that I am not really comfortable with changes. Not until I have seen the pros and cons and decided to go for a certain change.

Ouchie, head aching... Cannot get sick. Don't wanna be sick.


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A Little Bit Sad

Looking at my mom and sis' situation I can't help but be sad. For what I know, I have done what I can to help them with their living buty mom has her own way. Well, as she said, I am just her child. But the problem is that they are always in trouble.

Finances is a great part of our lives and this has been their great problem. It is something I have been learning to manage. Glad that I see improvements but I still have a lot to learn. Thinking about them has been an additional burden to me.

My mom has her 2nd husband. She remarried after my father died. Thay have one daughter who is the sister that I mentioned. Unfortunately, my stepfather is not a responsible one. So sad. My sister is already 17 years old but their life has not improved.

I am a single parent wih one son. Raising my kid alone is not easy. I survive of course with God's grace and the help of people who come along our way.

I have shared a lot of insights on living to my mom. It has been so difficult. I have asked her a lot of times about just leaving her husband and stay with me in he city but she resists. She says their life is ok. So what can I do?

Honestly, I feel that I am not really a part of her family. She's not the mother that I used to know. I lived with my grandmother since I was 12 and since then I have lost my mother.

Perhaps I need to stop looking for her and just release them with what they want. I am leaving the thought of having her as a family, them. Will just visit my grandmother from time to time.

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"Half Dead" 16 Jan 2011 COG Makati Sunday Service

Luke 10:25-27

Every person in the planet is full. You may feel empty but you are full.

When you ask the Lord about having more of Him, you need to let go of something to have some space to be filled.

Priests
Levites
Jewish Laymen

Priests and Levites are workers in the temple and hey may be defiled by touching blood. But it is also written that we must love our neighbor as ourselves.

Situational Ethics
Heavier or Lighter

Jewish laymen are the average Jews. But Jesus used the Samaritan as the "hero" in the story.

He Jews hate the Samaritans.
Mishna Shebiith 8:10
Josephus - "Samaritans scattered human bones in the temple courts"
Neil Fisher
Ben Sirach calls Samaritans stupid

Jesus used details in this parable that are offensive.

This person could be a symbol of a person whom you cannot mention the name.

Explore the fruits of hatred so you know if you have it. If you have the fruits, you have the tree.

Proverbs 10:12 - dissension
Hatred divides, love unites.

Proverbs 10:18 Lying and slander
Gossip is something that you would not say in front of he person. If you cannot say it in front of the person involved better shut up.

Lying i



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Good day!

Had some rest from worries and had a good day so far. Hoping to learn not to worry for I shall not be in need as the Scriptures say... Need to practice this.

Will be sleeping in a few hours. Had a great time talking to my spiritual adviser! Will be talking more about it on my restoration process blog. Man I have a couple of blogs at this time but I'm enjoying it, hehe. Not really for business but my adsense may help me with it.

It just feels good to be able to say what Has been going on my mind...


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The 2011 New Year Accident

I don't really feel so good when i talk about this because I remember the scare that almost intimidated me at that moment, but I believe that talking this out will help me move forward and trample the terror of that New Year accident.

So Christmas has just passed  and I have made up my mind to spend New Year at home as it will really be less expensive. Just like last year, I will spend it with my son alone. Simpler and more comfortable.

On the other hand, my current maid (at that time) is about to leave. She needs to go home as her husband has been miraculously healed from the injury, which was the reason for her to go to Manila and find work. Since her husband will be able to work again, she needs to go home. I understood that she needed to go but I was pissed off with what her mom and husband did. They kept calling her telling her to go home immediately but the problem is that even if I give her the salary, it is not yet enough for the fare. Well, enough of it as this post is not supposed to be about her.

In the morning of 31 December 2010, a friend told me to go to the Mall of Asia before New Year. That would be at 5pm and then just go to our respective homes to welcome the new year. I agreed and I went there wit my son and the maid. Nice to see that my son enjoyed. I also did. We even managed to watch the parade of some stars. We were supposed to go home when my friend invited me to go to another friend's home, there were 2 homes that we will be going to. They used to be our neighbors in the high rise condo that we used to live in. 

So we went to the first one who has a preschooler girl and a baby girl. Next is the one who has a boy as old as my son and another girl. The kids played at home and we, the parents tell stories to each other. We waited until the guard opens the 8th floor where the amenities are so that the kids can play at the playground. So it opened and we all went there.

While at the playground, I have been so complacent. I thought that the maid has been looking over my son. He was playing around with the other kids while I still talk to friends. I was about to call him to go home but then I saw him fall to the ground. I thought that he just stepped wrongly.

After he fell, he suddenly stood up. I saw his arm, crippled but I thought that it was just because he is a few meters away from me. But he ran to me calling me, "mommy, mommy!" And yes, the arm was crippled, bet it was fractured. Tension arouse from my friends. My son said "mommy, don't cry" so I did not, not even an inch of panic came from me. All I thought was to pray.

I spoke in tongues, it was automatic. I did not exactly know what to do so I just let it. I did not care if my friends would understand but they are newborn Christians so I think they would sooner or later. My eyes suddenly focus on the Lord Jesus and that no matter what has happened, He is with us. I did not move from where I was sitting while I carry my son on my lap and pray. I guided my son to pray as well, he was not crying. People around us are obviously worried and the guard asked the lobby guard to call a cab. However, one of my friends have a car so she offered to bring us to the nearest hospital for first aid. 

So we went to her car and still, my son and i were praying. It became an intangible experience as my natural would have just freak out and cry, shout for help and be angry at what happened. But I have been composed at that time, facing the terror bravely while accepting that fact that "at this time I need God, I need a miracle for healing and strength."

I expected that my son's bones would suddenly be restored. Yes, miraculously. I have prayed for several people for healing and most of them get instantly healed if not just a bit later. The big question that I had was "why did it not happen to my son?" Who could give me an answer?

But I still pray in faith. Brought my son to Ospital ng Makati (hospital) and he got first aid. Just when I was carrying him to the door of the emergency room, fireworks can be heard and people greet each other "happy new year!" Yes, we welcomed new year at the hospital. Great how I still managed to smile back and greet the hospital staff happy new year as well.

So they braced my son's arm with a had cardboard just not to make it move, sat him on a wheelchair so I will not need to carry him everywhere. Poor arm, it has been badly injured. My son was given a does of pain reliever, nurse said that it was Nobain. Then we went to the laboratory for x-ray. I pity my son as he cannot get the position that was needed as he says it was so painful. He started crying when the nurses attended to him in the emergency room and cried again at the x-ray room. tears also started to roll down my cheeks. I remember, we should have stayed home. But that thought would not help.

We went out of the laboratory area to wait for the x-ray results. I talked to my son, now in tears, saying that I do not want to see him that way. It is breaking me. I also told him not to worry, I am just sad that it happened but I strongly believe that the Lord is still with us. He would be completely restored soon. He told me not to cry again because it makes him sad as well. he said sorry because he played and we should have gone home. I told him I forgive him and we all do not like what happened. 

On the other hand, the gadget that they inserted on my son's right hand to inject the pain killer bled. It was amazing how I was able to control my emotions though I know it was the nurse's fault. My son has not been moving and it was attached the wrong way. But anyway, moving forward I just want the bone to be fixed soon. I have been asking the nurses and the doctor if his left arm would be restored. They said yes, especially that healing on the bones is on kids. Whew, it gave me a bit of relief.

So the x-ray laboratory results are now ready. The doctor showed me that the two bones on his left arm were  fractured. My son needs an Orthopedic Surgeon who would bring the bone back and then put the arm on cast. The problem is that they don't have one in the hospital at this time. The doctor advised me that they will just put the broken arm on cast and then we must go back on Tuesday for the cast to be removed and then the bone would be fixed by an Orthopedic Surgeon at the Out Patient Department.

My, for all I know, a broken bone must be restored as soon as possible so it would not incur any other damage. But then, I did not argue and I asked for their recommendation like where  could send my son to be treated immediately. They recommended the National Orthopedic Center in Banawe, Quezon City. Quite far and they suggested not to go to at this time as it would be dangerous. This statement makes me furious, like isn't it also dangerous for my son's bones to be stuck this way? They must actually have an Orthopedic surgeon that night especially that it was New Year's eve and people get unusual accidents during this season.

But still, I do not want to stress myself out with further arguments so I decided to bring my son to the other hospital. The nurse asked me to sign a waiver saying that I decided to bring my son to another hospital, but I disagreed on the reason. I noted that I brought him to another so that he would immediately be treated by an Orthopedic Surgeon. So after paying the bills, we went off.

Glad the cab driver has been so kind, flashed emergency lights so that we would arrive at the hospital as soon as possible. Oh the hospital surprised me! I smell firecrackers inside and there are a lot of patients in worse condition. All orthopedic related. My son sees all these and it;s amazing how he observed around. So I went to register him, x-ray again, doctor checkup, I bought the materials outside, back to the emergency room, waited for the bone to be fixed and be put on cast, x-ray again, and then home. Sounds easy but it has been a very traumatic process.

My son started crying when x-ray was taken again as his left arm is already aching. He wants to go home instead but of course we can't. It really crushes my heart and I am glad that sleepiness did not visit me at that time. Such a pity when my son's bones were fixed without any anesthesia. I know that it badly hurts, he screamed in pain and cried out loud as king the doctor not to hurt him. There I was with him, hugging him in the position that I can and explaining that the doctor is fixing his bone, not hurting him. Telling him he will be fine and that we are in good hands in the Lord.

Honestly I have been questioning deep inside. Where are you oh God? Where are Your angels when my son fell? I have been believing in You but why shall this happen? I do not understand. But supernaturally I feel a sense of comfort, also sent texts to friends and relatives and asked for prayers. I need strength and courage. I need to be encouraged. I seem so strong in the outside but I am almost drowning in fear inside. 

Then a lady came near me telling me that I am lucky that our doctor is gentle and that he is kind as compared to the others. Well, I do not exactly know her reasons for saying but I think I just need to hear the words to encourage me. It also helped that one of my friends also went with us, leaving her kid to where we visited so that I would have company aside from the maid. 

Just a side story, my maid created a scene. She was holding my mobile phones and I told her to answer calls if there would be any. But when I was about to pay for the x-ray, I caught her talking using my mobile. I went near her, thinking that it was a call for me and that she just answered. Man, she cannot even hear me and I needed to shout for her to notice that I have been beside her. She called her relatives using my postpaid mobile and it seems that she will be talking to one for hours if I did not catch her. Why? Why in this situation? I scolded her and told her I certainly do not understand why she needed to do it, taking advantage of the emergency situation when I trusted her with the phones. Worse is that she did not call just one number. i would understand if she just asked permission but no, she didn't. I got the phones and asked my friend to hold them instead. 

We went home past 5 am in the morning, all of us seeking bed. My son and I still in trauma but I still hold on to faith. There is a reason why it happened. I learned a lot of lessons out of it. However, I pray that the trauma would be gone soon. 

Still a lot to say and perhaps I would in my future random thoughts posting. This is the summary of what happened to me and my son in 2011 New Year's Eve.

Random Thoughts on the 1st 15mins of the day

This was one of the exercises that we had in college. It was supposed to sharpen writing skills. Just write down random thoughts within 15mins after waking up.

So what goes to my mind now? Hmm... I hear a dog moaning like a werewolf. I remember that when I was a kid, adults say that the dog sees the spirit of death when it creares that sound. Of course, I am not sure about that, it is not even written in the bible; but it just so happens when I was a kid that when I hear that from a dog, somebody does within the day or the following day in the neighborhood. So I spoke protection upon the house, rejected he spirit if death or whatever. May God's protection be upon me and my household.

A tricycle passed, just heard it. I am currently at the 4th floor o a low rise condominium and I still hear the sound of vehicles when they pass. It's not so noisy though, they don't pass all the time.

Oh my, I am hearing the dog again. Creepy... I admit that at this time I am still moving on from the trauma caused by my son's accident and I still feel weak. However, I believe that the grace of the Lord is sufficient and that He will help me through. But then, why do dogs sometime create that sound? It seems like they are in gloom when they do it. Yeah, a bit scary when I remember what the adults say when I was a kid but can somw ody tell me the real reason?

Looking at the ceiling, I see our light bulb. It is coiled. Just had a glance at it. Nothing special. A bulb is nothing without the electricity. We can be like these light bulbs. Without the power of he Holy Spirit we are nothing, we cannot emit light. The next thing that can happen to us is to just break into pieces.

I am getting sleepy again. Timer for 15 minutes has not ran out. Oh, it just did!


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Loving the Blogpress iPhone App

Really cool! I am loving this Blogpress iPhone Application... Is this the effect of having no oneto talk to most of the time?! Well seems a lot better than talking most of the time. There are a lot of things that I want to write about, but then I will be able to write about them soon for sure!

Can somebody stop me?! I think nobody... Hehehe

I just feel so excited at this time. The practice that we had earlier helped a lot! I have been up and down lately... Actually for a couple of months already. But then I still choose to be up.

My sons's accident this 2011 new year really affected me. I have a lotto say about it but sleepiness has already dropped by and I think that it is staying so I'd rather give in to it. Just that I am so excited wih thus new app. Helps me talk silently!

Yeah, I admit that I really am talkative. But, that is after observing things around me... and also if I really have somethinf to say about a certain topic. Defense?! Haha, not really!

This is really helping! I have been talking without bombarding anybody and without straining my vocal chords. Thanks a lot to my best ex bf ever who purchased he application for me as I do not have a credit card now.

Ho-humm sleep is calling me, sleepiness has been a great company. Goodnight everyone! Oh Lord, thank you for a great night. Help me know You are near...


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Back Home from Music Practice

Home sweet home. I have been staying here in my current home for 10months and I am now getting used to it. Somehow, I learned to love the place. Wow, it took me some time to appreciate my pigeon hole, lol!

I remember our first night here, we transferred on March 2010. I was crying and I could hardly sleep because we can still smell the paint that was used. It's clogging my sinuses. And my, the transition from a high rise condo to a low rise ain't easy!

We came from Oriental Gardens, stayed there for more than a year. My unit was fully furnished, and we got used to the airconditioning almost 24 hpurs a day. When we transferred here I felt so pathetic as I do not have furniture and necessary appliances with me. Glad I had an electric fan, which I left in my granny's home. I got it and used it here on my new home that I used to think is a dungeon.

Well, I can now say that this has been a blessing to me and has been my home. I am now so thankful that I found this place to reside in... and it's just a lot better to be grateful with it!

I still do not have all the appliances and furniture on my wishlist but I am still happy. I can see a great progress in my life... Things need to hppen nd ll things work together for the good of those who love God.

Now, I'm about to prepare to sleep. I want to write another post just talking about my son's new year accident but I am already sleepy... Perhaps I would go for a goodnight rest at the moment.


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Random Thoughts

just thought I need this. I think a lot and talk a lot, and being silent makes me feel like exploding! At least by noting my random thoughts I can shout them out without being noisy. 

Glad I found the iPhone Application to update using my mobile. Pretty cool, it would be a lot easier for me to shout! However, I would need a wi-fi as my iPhone is just 2G. Well, no worries...

I am so excited! I believe this will personally help me.

Happy reading!